International Women’s Day is a celebration of progress towards gender equality, but it is also a moment to reflect on the work still to be done.

While more women have stepped into leadership roles, men who take on caregiving responsibilities still face outdated stereotypes.

True equality is about choice, the ability for both men and women to take on roles that best suit their families without fear of judgment.

A local couple, Alan Smith and Rachael Heald, know this all too well.

They decided to swap traditional roles when it made financial and personal sense for their family. Alan took on the primary caregiving duties while Rachael focused on her career.

While both are clear that they were in a position to make this choice, they also acknowledge the societal attitudes that came with it.

“It was a practical decision for us,” says Alan. “Rachael had a career opportunity that made sense for our family, and I was happy to take on the day-to-day care of the kids.

But I lost count of the number of times people assumed I was out of work or ‘helping out’ rather than simply being a full-time parent.”

His experience is not unique. While women in the workforce have gradually gained more acceptance, men who step into caregiving roles still find themselves viewed as an exception.

Fathers at school pick-ups often hear comments like, Giving Mum a break today? and even friends or family can struggle to understand the decision.

Rachael faced her own set of assumptions.

“I had people ask me how I felt about leaving my children ‘so young,’” she says. “The irony is that if the roles were reversed, no one would ask a father that.

We made this choice as a family, and it worked for us, but there’s still this underlying belief that a mother should be the primary carer.”

Reflecting on the challenges of their role reversal, Rachael adds,

“I don't think either of us appreciated the impact of playing the role differently to what society normally expects.

For Alan, it was the weight of growing up in a world that expected the father to be the breadwinner and the mother to be the nurturer.

He faced questions from family members about when he was going to get a job. For me, the surprise was the pressure of being the sole breadwinner. It was a shift neither of us had fully anticipated.”

Research shows that shared parenting leads to stronger family bonds and better outcomes for children. Yet, many fathers still feel societal pressure to stay in the workforce full-time, even when their family circumstances might benefit from a different arrangement.

The reluctance to accept men as carers also impacts women. If workplaces continue to see caregiving as a female responsibility, flexible work arrangements and equal parental leave policies will remain harder to access.

Both Alan and Rachael believe that visibility is key.

“The more we see dads as primary carers, the more normal it becomes,” says Alan.

“It’s not about being a hero or making a statement.

It’s just about families making the choices that work for them without being questioned.”

Rachael agrees.

“We don’t need to justify why we swapped roles. The question should be, why does it still surprise people?”

For true equality, caregiving needs to be recognised as valuable, no matter who takes it on.

And that means moving past outdated ideas about who should be at work and who should be at home.