Last weekend, I overheard a group of men discussing their frustrations with women, which led me to realise that many of these issues are commonly shared. While this isn't universally true for everyone, many people will relate to this 'no-no' list. Keep in mind that references to 'men' are generalisations and not meant to speak for all individuals.

Hinting: Primarily men hate it when women hint. If you want something, you have to most of the time tell them directly. One of the men in the group said, “I wish she would tell me exactly what it is. I don’t work for the CIA - I need things to be spelt out”.

In the same vein, they also hate mind games or guessing games, and cite that women tend to ask “guess what today is”, guess this, guess that…

Nagging: Men I have consulted about being asked to do something, universally tell me that they heard you the first time! No amount of repetition will galvanise them into action. They’ll do it when they are ready. 

One of my male relatives is one who hates being told how to do something. He figures that if the end result is the same then he doesn't want to know how you would have done it, he just wants to do it his way. Fair enough.

Waiting is another pet hate for men. We all know that it takes a little more time for women to get ready and men start becoming impatient. The big question here though is how to cure…? 

Shopping rates very highly on the difficulty scale for men. Most men hate making a choice or giving and opinion about what you should wear. If you take them to a store and ask them to make a choice between two or more dresses, they will most likely just go blank and stare at you as if you have asked them for a holiday in Transylvania. You may get further if you model the clothes for them. 

On this subject I overheard one of the men say to his friend, “If I had a choice it would be garter belt, stockings and four-inch heels, but we would never get out of the house!” 

Men generally prefer Bunnings, electronics shops or camera stores. 

Tears: When a woman is upset tears are a natural reaction for her. When her man doesn't comfort her, she may think he doesn't care. But that is not necessarily true - tears do make men feel sad, it's just that they are usually not experienced at talking about it, at showing or expressing their feelings. When women cry men mostly feel helpless and don't know how to comfort a woman unless she tells him how.

Oversharing: Quite a few women discuss their personal life with others – mostly their friends. For centuries they’ve done it. Men dislike this trait because they feel it invades their privacy. They expect that if they tell you a secret, they expect you to keep it, and not make it into a public discussion amongst your friends. If you can’t help yourself and need to divest yourself of the burden of the secret, you may not receive any more secrets…

Being disturbed whilst relaxing: Men hate being disturbed when they are watching football or cricket matches on TV. But most women get irritated when they see their men spending hours in front of the TV while they slog with the household work and then disturb them anyway.

“Being confronted with conversation the minute we walk in the door or the minute we wake up” seems to be another common area of angst! Note that there is a distinction between ‘conversation’ and informing the man of something he has to do! That’s venturing into nagging territory. Worse still if the ‘conversation’ contains criticism. 

Sadly, I heard the man tell his friend, “Before entering my house, I often sit in my car for a few minutes to decompress. Although I love my family's excitement to talk to me, I need this quiet time to transition from work to engaging in conversation. Without it, I might come off as annoyed, which isn't how I feel; I just need a moment to adjust."

This notion may well translate to the workplace, so don’t accost your boss the moment he walks through the office door and bombard him with questions or general verbosity! 

So ladies, try giving your man a few minutes to decompress when he comes home before starting a conversation. You might see a positive change in his mood and ability to engage. Also, avoid greeting him with tasks or criticism - nobody appreciates that.

Clinginess: Men are often turned off by overly needy or clingy behaviour, as it can feel suffocating and shows your insecurity. Putting someone on a pedestal makes you seem less attractive. Instead show your confidence, avoid seeking constant validation, and don't compete with other women. Know your worth and remember that if your man loses interest, it's not a reflection of your value. Focus on your own happiness and peace of mind, not on seeking their approval. 

Controlling behaviour: Men generally dislike being controlled or bossed around by their partner, especially in public, as it can feel emasculating. This kind of behaviour can damage the relationship, as it undermines mutual respect and trust. While it might feel empowering in the moment, this approach often leads to resentment and can eventually cause the relationship to end. 

Don't dwell on his exes or constantly talk about your own. Focus on the present and what you share now. Bringing up past relationships can make him feel guilty or uncomfortable, as if he's being compared. Seeking validation by comparing yourself to his exes comes across as needy and insecure. Similarly, frequently mentioning your exes can either make him jealous and doubt your feelings or, if he sees through it, turn him off due to the perceived immaturity and attempt to boost your ego. Remember, exes are in the past for a reason - leave them there.

Chasing: Even if you're confident (or impatient), men generally prefer to do the pursuing - it’s often seen as a natural instinct. You can subtly encourage them and flirt a little but let them feel like they're taking the lead. This maintains the excitement and prevents them from unconsciously perceiving themselves as more valuable. If you're only interested in a casual encounter, this may not matter as much, but for a deeper relationship, it's important to let them take the initiative.

Confidence vs conceit: Men are generally put off by women who are immature, entitled, and conceited. While confidence is an attractive trait, it becomes even more appealing when paired with humility and emotional maturity. It's important to handle your own emotions responsibly and not to treat your partner like a servant who has to earn basic respect and courtesy. Men appreciate a partner who is down-to-earth, respectful, and considerate. Ultimately, just being a decent person makes a significant difference in building a healthy and balanced relationship.

Remember that men are often visually oriented and have a strong libido, making physical attraction an important part of a relationship. While you don't need to aim for perfection all the time, putting in some effort to maintain your appearance can have a positive impact. Paying attention to your health and making improvements if needed not only enhances physical attraction but also boosts your self-confidence. Taking care of yourself benefits both you and the relationship.

Remember, many of these concerns apply to both genders. The key is to empathise with your partner's perspective and approach them with consideration and respect. Fostering a respectful and understanding relationship will lead to a stronger, more fulfilling connection.