Many people want to find peace in the face of feeling hurt, unbearable loss, trauma, guilt, or suffering at the hands of others, our self, or life. Forgiveness is a choice, a gift to oneself. It’s the most powerful healing path to true and unshakeable peace. It is possible to find peace and liberation from the grip of past wounds.

“Something’s got to change, and it’s me!” is never truer than with forgiveness. 

Oftentimes, the person who’s caused offence may be completely oblivious to the hurt you’re experiencing. Perhaps the person intended to wound you with their words or actions, or they simply don’t care. We don’t want forgiveness and therefore our peace to be dependent on the person or group who caused the offence feeling apologetic or upset about their words or actions.

Modern science has much in common with ancient wisdom. Understanding the positive impact of forgiveness serves as a gateway. It is necessary to understand the obstacles to forgiveness, and scientific information about how the brain’s default mode resists forgiveness, while the brain’s task positive (present moment mode) is where new possibilities can emerge.

Each of us has a default mode network (DMN) that keeps us locked into past survival mechanisms that frankly don’t work and keep us miserable and stuck. The DMN is the ego, unconscious – what is second nature to us. 

Throughout our lives we have evolved to react to challenges and have learned from past experiences. This second nature supports survival skills and repeats mental loops, creates incessant mind chatter that generates increased suffering and traps the mind in the past. You know the mind-set: constant ruminating, catastrophising, a bit like a wild drunk monkey swinging through the trees!

On the other hand, we also have a task positive network (TPN) which is the executive-functioning brain that is activated in the present moment which calms the nervous system. It is supported by focus on the breath and engagement with mindful movement and awareness. It is powered with creative tasks and sparked by focus on one thing, i.e. reading a book or listening to music. If we can tap into the TPN, rather than allow the DMN to take over, we will see a remarkable difference to how we experience life.

The definition of forgiveness by the Cambridge Dictionary, “To forgive means no longer feeling angry, vengeful, hurt or resentful towards someone or something for an actual or perceived offense, flaw, or mistake and no longer wishing to punish others.”

Wellness author Caroline Myss takes it a little further: “Forgiveness is a battle between the righteousness of our ego and our capacity to transcend whatever situation we’ve experienced where we maintain our own suffering and righteous vengeance.”

Clearly there are challenges to achieving forgiveness. Firstly, we need to be willing to forgive, then relinquish the resentment and change our thinking habits.

“Forgiveness is an inner process whereby we liberate ourselves from the consequences of having felt wounded in the past. We no longer react in the present - as we have processed our feelings, and the event is now in our past. The sting is no longer in the tail”, says Petrea King of the Quest for Life Foundation.

“Transformation isn’t about changing the person. It’s a change in perspective and a profound shift in our experience of consciousness.”

We need some strategies that allow us to become aware of blame, hurt, guilt and revenge, and to let go of control. By adopting a gentle approach and meditating daily to engage the TPN will help with this, you will notice positive reactions in the body. Practicing meditation every day strengthens neural integration and provides access to the executive functioning brain that supports the ability to respond, rather than react. A regular practice relaxes and restores a stressed or wounded body and mind.

Visit the Quest for Life website if you would like access to a highly effective online course to take you on the pathway to forgiveness.