Gerringong has many facilities for people of a ‘mature’ age to assist them in their later years. These may include retirement villages or nursing homes. In some cases, however, nurses or other people may come to an elderly person’s own home to assist with daily tasks including preparing meals, housework and gardening so they don’t have to move out. Of course, many elderly people live with relatives through choice, but the point is just that: many now have a choice.

These choices were usually not available many years ago. Care of the aged and infirm invariably fell upon the shoulders of family members. A single family member may have often had to ‘sacrifice’ part or all of their own life to do this ‘duty’. This ‘sacrifice’ was usually given freely and without complaint.

As a Chittick, I can remember part of my own family history, which was pretty typical of the time. A family in Ireland on a farm in the mid eighteen hundreds. Dad died leaving mother and large family destitute, being unable to run a farm properly. Mother then sold the farm and left with all the family and what possessions they could carry on a boat to Australia. On the way out, she died.

As a result, the eldest girl, Ellen, no longer had a life of her own. No marriage. No children. No career. No, her life was one of duty, caring for her siblings. All we have of Ellen Chittick is a photo and a Bible.

Ellen Chittick’s Bible

I remember reading biographies of family members which would often state that, ‘Auntie so and so spent the last five years of his or her life living with their sister’s family’. 

My father wrote a story about such a duty. And often the duty fell upon a selected female member of the family. His name is Clive Emery, and this is his story …

It has never been my privilege to understand just what represents a level playing field in a person’s lifetime. How some members of a family can seem to have a dream run, lots of opportunities in work and relationships. Other members of a family can seem to have a life of duty and service. How inequities seem to appear, often through no fault of any person.

Take the case of two maidens, sisters of my acquaintance who would normally work on their father's farm until they married.  At sixteen and eighteen their grandmother fell ill, and this was where the inequity began. The grandparents lived and farmed a long way from their neighbours, in a town 10 kilometres distant.

They did not have the convenience of a car. The road to their mountain farm was rugged in the extreme, so the only connection with civilisation was by sulky or cart.  There was no electricity and no water, except what gathered into a tank off their roof. They called on their daughter for assistance because she could easily spare one of her two daughters as a housekeeper and companion for granny. But, which one?

The decision did not come from the toss of a coin. It came from the need, and from their individual accomplishments, such as who was the best worker and could milk the cows the fastest! And so the younger girl lost and had to go and look after her granny and grandpa.  For how long? One month … one year? No, five years, until granny's death! It meant being parted from her family during her youthhood. Parted, too, from the comfort and protection of the family unit.

It was five years of virtual imprisonment before she was able to return to the fold and be accorded a twenty-first birthday party at her home!

How wonderful?! That gap in a young girl's life could not be assumed to be helpful, nor could an equation be reached to evaluate her loneliness - the escapades and jollity of family living, of sleeping in her own bed and the companionship of her two brothers, sister and parents! She went without a word of protest as a silent companion and carer of an aged woman. Try that for size! A level playing field, indeed!

Then there was the case of my own cousin, who from 5 to ten years had to sleep in the same bed as granny. When granny died it was the first time she had a bed to herself!

She always loved granny, she said. It was a mournful way to spend her girlhood, but at least she had the school days to herself and her playmates.