It’s Valentine’s Day again – that special time of year when we show our partners and people whom we love how much we value and appreciate them.

Many businesses make their biggest profit at this time of year – roses, restaurants, overnight stays, diamonds, drinks – the works. 

More cynical members of society believe Valentines Day is merely a money-making racket that opportunists use to feather their own nest, as they say.

Personally, I love Valentines Day because it reminds me of where our true efforts in relating well lie and reminds us to reflect upon areas where we can improve.

However, the question that is always top of mind is this: 

How can I create a magical Valentine’s Day everyday with my special person? How can I show them love, appreciation and understanding in the most supportive and caring way?

Modern day life is extremely fast paced and stressful, with little time left in the day to focus on what really matters.

People are running around trying to get things done and in the process, don’t give time and thought to precious things that really count.

What are the key things happy couples do each day to keep their love alive?

• Be nice to each other – speak to each other with respect, saying thank you and please if your partner does something for you or are asking a favour.
• Appreciate them – let them know how grateful you are for their cooking, looking after the children, making money for the family or organising a family holiday, it’s so easy to tell them how talented they are and how much you appreciate them as a person.
• Be supportive – stand next to your partner as their greatest ally, no matter what. Become and remain their ‘safe haven’ where they know that no matter what, you will always be there.
• Resolve conflict calmly – talk issues through one at a time. If emotions are heightened or things feel as if they are out of control, introduce a ‘circuit breaker’ – that is time out to go away and cool down so that you come back within 24 hours to try and resolve the situation calmly and peacefully.
• You are committed to this relationship so stay committed – realise that there is no ‘exit plan’ and that no matter what, we both need to work out a way to love and love together.
• Make special times for your relationship - nights away with each other, walks on the beach without the children, weekends away and so forth. Remember the fun times you had together before the children arrived? Recreate these as a regular way of putting good times back into your relationship.
• Learn to communicate well – many of us think we connect with each other well and talk issues through, but the reality is not the case. Most couples who come to see me all struggle with communication and connection, with the biggest skill missing being active listening. Where you take all other thoughts out of your mind and focus on what you partner is trying to tell you. Do you listen to understand or respond?
• Laugh and have fun – don’t forget the magic you created when you first met. Recreate it in your daily lives.

Happy marriages take time, effort and dedication and don’t come easily. In this relationship we are two different people, with our background, religion, life experiences and attitudes that come together in a partnership (for life) - and yet have little idea how to do relationships properly.

Start with the tips above.

If you continue to struggle, find a relationship coach to help you both learn how to communicate well and have a rewarding and enjoyable relationship.

As famous Prophet Kahlil Gibran said:

Let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love. Let it be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Further information or if you want a discussion> Email Caryn on [email protected]