The Chore Dilemma

So often, it’s the little things…….

Often when I am working with couples, they come to see me frustrated with each other, or agitated about things that need to be done around the house and they argue over who does what?

Sound crazy? Well, that may be the case, but a key issue that couples bring into the room where I coach them is chores.

The trouble is that most couples fall into the gender typical roles in which they perhaps grew up. She’s in the kitchen cooking and cleaning and sorting out the kids and he’s outside doing the lawn, the hedges and everything in between. The same applies to same-gender relationships or friends living together.

Whilst it looks like an even distribution in getting things done, it often isn’t. The problem is that neither persona has sat down with the other and worked out who does what and when. If they had, so many of the bigger issues may not appear.

The issue with chores and how to solve it

Both partners in a relationship need to be responsible for helping around the house and positively contributing to the family and this can include children if they are old enough.

Activity

• Take a A4 piece of paper and draw three vertical columns down the page.
• Column 1 – Chores
• Column 2 – Who
• Column 3 – By when
• Spend an hour together (or as a family) writing out all the chores that must be done each week/month in the first column
• Write the name of the responsible person in column two
• Write the time frame for the chore to be completed
• Put the list on the fridge and as a couple (or family) everybody commits to doing their chore/s by the time decided on the chore list on the fridge
• 
  

Rewards with children

If your children are old enough, get them to contribute to this exercise too. In some cases, parents like to reward their children with small amounts when they do what they say they will do, so an ice-cream on a Friday or an hour extra on an i-pad is suitable.

For older children or adolescents, this can be a small cash incentive or more time to drive the family car or money to go to the movies. Some families don’t like this reward system and feel that all people living in the house should contribute – living in a lovely home and sharing in a family life is reward enough. Families are different but do whatever suits.

Remember the golden rule

Integrity! Doing what you commit to doing. This strategy outlined above works again and again and again. It only does not work, if you don’t work it.

Give it a go. You might be really surprised at how well it works!