Renowned American entrepreneur and motivational speaker, Jim Rohn once said:

‘If you want things to change, you must change. 

If you want things to be better, you must be better.’

What he’s talking about is the importance of taking responsibility for your own life and making changes to achieve personal growth and success. He believed that change is a natural part of life, and it is up to each individual to embrace change and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. 

I see many relationships in my rooms that are struggling with continuous arguing, not productive strategies to resolve conflict well, being stuck in the past, people not willing to solve issues …. The list goes on.

I have asked myself why these issues appear so many times, and I keep coming back to one basic fact:  often when relationship difficulties arise, people blame the partner or other person.  And Rohn believes it is up to us to change, not wait for the other person.

If only she…….

I often hear ‘we would get along well if she…..’  or ‘If he improved on that, we would get along famously.’

Notice what is happening here – the individual will be happy if the other person changes or does something different.  And as we have no control over the behaviour of others, there is no certainty they will change, because they may think you are the problem.

So, what is the best way to have a strong, happy relationship – if it’s a partner, a family member, a friend, a colleague or even the neighbour?

Firstly, each person needs to look at the behaviours, beliefs and attitudes they bring to the relationship, acknowledging that some could be problematic.

This takes courage, because it’s easier to blame others when things in the relationship go wrong because admit it – we don’t want to feel part of the problem.

If you recognise what you do to contribute to the problem, work out how to get better at it so the influence is a good one, not one that contributes to the problem.

Most importantly, for things to change, first I must change.  Focus on you, not the other person. Blaming others is a waste of time and will get you nowhere.

Am I part of the problem, or part of the solution?

We all bring our past into our relationships because our history (in part) determines who we are.  

If we are constantly arguing or the issues between you don’t seem to be resolved, then you may need expert help to move you through the ‘stuck’ zones and give you greater insight into how you can improve those areas where you both struggle.

It takes two to make a relationship work.  Two of you who want the relationship to work and will do whatever it takes to get there.  It’s not easy, but it’s possible.

What’s your choice?

Need more information or assistance?  Contact Caryn on 0414 375 526