My Relationships – How good am I in them really?

So much of our waking life centres around relationships – with ourselves and others in individual or group settings. At work, in the community, in sporting or hobby groups and at home.  

Life is all about relationships - and yet, how often do we think about how well we do them?

Many of us struggle in our relationships, often blaming the other person or seeing fault in their behaviour, and yet don’t look at our own.  

If we’re not part of the solution, then are we part of the problem?

It’s hard to acknowledge that sometimes what we do in our relationships does not help the outcome. So many of us are stuck in our ways and because admitting we are part of the problem is difficult, so we don’t.

If we talk about the issues and difficulties we have with each other, then we can grow to a new level which is a happy space to be. Conflict? Yes. It’s part of human endeavour, but it is not all bad. We can learn so much from our differences, remembering that we don’t always have to be right.

To win is often to lose.  If we must win all the time, and not listen to the opinions of others who may have good points to make, then people don’t want to be in a relationship with us. They avoid us over time, or the relationship falls apart – and then who wins, and who loses?

What are the types of relationships we have and how can we be better in them?

Family relationships: Those into which we are born or have some kind of kinship, whether be through blood, marriage, a de facto situation or fostering/adoption. This is ‘our clan’ - the people or group on whom we rely most and who teach us all about our culture, religion, beliefs and values.

It is through our clan that we move forward into the big wide world, and hopefully have productive and happy relationships, families and lives.

Families today come in many different forms - single-parent families, stepfamilies, homes with same gender parents and children raised by grand-parents, as examples. 

Friends: People not born into the same family but on whom you place great value and respect.  They are people we ‘do life with’ - we go to school or college with them or work with or connect with later in life. We build solid bonds with friends to have fun, explore the world and enjoy experiences together.  Mostly, friends are those with whom we feel most connected, and they grow over time so they remain stable parts of our lives moving forward.  They stay with us for the good and bad times. Many of us cannot imagine our lives without friends, as they are important bonds through which we travel across our lives, and with whom we celebrate special occasions such as weddings and birthdays. Some people are closer to their friends than families, but if you have the gift of good connections with both, your world expands richly over time.

Acquaintances: These are people we know and who come into our lives but are not as close or as deep as the others. These can be relationships at work with colleagues or in sporting groups with whom we are connected for a reason, such as sport or a hobby. We still need to connect well with these people, particularly if we work with them everyday as we spend most of our waking moments with them – and to have good acquaintances is so important for your overall health and that of the team and the organisation.

Romantic relationships: These relationships are with people with whom we share love, trust and often, children. There are various aspects of closeness in these relationships, including emotional and sexual intimacy. Often opposites attract and, in the beginning, these are often easy relationships but if differences are not discussed and resolved, over time this ‘love’ can struggle and not make it for the long haul. Good and regular communication is critical.

How well do you go?

Think about the different types of relationships you have in your life and how well you go (or not) in them.

Are you a good communicator and do you talk about issues when necessary to ‘clear the air’ and address the issue or do you tend to ignore issues when they arise and hope they will go away over time? This seldom happens and things often get worse.

Think about one skill you can improve in your relationships – such as active listening, showing empathy or asking more questions to understand the world of the other person more.

Relationships are key to human happiness and take work and if you get good at them, your whole experience of our world is richer and happier.