Dating is hard enough without navigating the online version of meeting a man - or woman, as the case may be. Since I'm female, I can speak from personal experience and observation, as well as insights from friends. I've also listened to comments from my male friends to provide a balanced view on how to approach this medium.

I've been single since late 2017, tried most of the dating apps, gone on countless dates, and taken numerous breaks. So far the field has been left wanting. After a while, I try again. Why? Because finding a suitable partner is remarkably difficult, at any age. Despite attending a variety of social gatherings, concerts, comedies, etc. and talking to all sorts of people, having great friends, I still have not yet met anyone that I'd like to bring closer.

Frankly, the whole idea of dating apps feels like being in a catalogue. But it's a case of "damned if you do, damned if you don't."

A few months ago, a friend in the Illawarra encouraged me to try again, having met her match years ago on eHarmony. Another friend in Sydney met her man on Bumble. Both are exemplary couples!

So, once again, I ventured out of my hiatus. Given my job, it's not difficult to imagine that I value words and images to convey a message. I furnished my profile with sufficient information to convey truth and attract interest. I populated it with a range of photos, including close-ups, action shots, and a full-length photo, aiming for transparency: "what you see is what you get."

Recently, I met a man on a dating app - let's call him Dave - who showed interest. His banter was interesting and fun. However, he hadn’t put up a photo, which is usually a deal-breaker for me. Are these men clueless? The jury is still out, but I suspect so. Studies have shown that men are very visual, yet despite making minimal effort on their own appearance, they still seem to expect to find someone highly attractive to become their partner. 

Back to Dave - he claimed he didn't have any photos of himself. After some prompting, he finally sent me a low-res mugshot on his gym membership card. The honest truth: there was nothing whatsoever to recommend him - it was a blurry thumbnail shot. I felt little motivation to get to know him better. 

Is that harsh? Let’s be honest. Usually, these things start with some physical attraction. 

I suspect that many men click on multiple profiles just to see what comes back. Women generally do not operate in this way. However, it may account for the volume of ‘likes’ on my profile, but motivation to respond to the majority received is missing. Most women I have discussed this with, feel the same way. We are looking for quality and for someone to make an effort.

To be successful on dating apps, effort is required in presenting yourself. Here’s my advice: regardless of your age, your profile images are critical. They are your 'marketing' photos and need to be accompanied by a great description to attract interest from your target audience.

How do so many men miss this truism? The extraordinarily funny thing is the abundance of photos of men holding up fish! It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so tragic. So, note well: "No fish photos." Afterall how many women do you know who truly like fishing?

Here are more worthwhile tips:

• Don’t have your children in the photos. 
• Don’t imitate Putin with a bare chest unless you look like Chris Hemsworth, and even then, it looks like you're trying too hard.
• No profile shot in the bathroom mirror. (you wouldn’t believe how many men do this).
• The same advice applies to women: no bikini shots unless you’re a swimsuit model, no obvious cleavage shots unless that’s the type of man you want to attract, and no heavy makeup - natural is key.
• Avoid the three-day growth unless it’s well-groomed like Hemsworth. Sorry - my obsession is showing! But honestly, George Clooney or Brad Pitt are more in my age-range, but I’m not expecting either to pop up soon. [I’m simply aiming for a well-groomed man who is fit and has something to say – that seems fair!]

So to get the best photos my advice is to ask a talented friend (or a professional photographer) to take relaxed, smiling photos in various settings - close, far, action shots, with animals, in nature - but be honest. Don’t sit on a motorbike just to look cool. 

Now for the words: before filling in the boxes online, think hard about what you want to say about yourself and what you want. Capture the essence of what’s important to you, especially in a partner. Write a draft, remove any negativity - some people actually complain about past relationships in their profiles! That’s a huge 'no no.' Be positive about life and give insight into how you live it. Honesty is crucial. Wait a day, review again, show a friend, discuss, make edits, leave it another day, and review again.

I'm sure it’s the same for men looking at women's profiles. People prefer honesty and authenticity. It’s unattractive to be negative, angry, rude, or unkind. I have read profiles that tick all four. 

If dating apps are how you’re meeting people, I wish you well and hope that these insights help.

If there is a male out there that would like to share their online experience, please reach out!