Revitalising Relationships column 

Dear Editor

My parents died recently and my sister and I are the only one’s left.  

My sister has been looking after my mum for the last 3 years and has done the ‘lion’s share’ of her care.

There is a substantial inheritance that we have been left by our parents and they have left us half each.  In the last 6 weeks, my sister has said that she should get much more than half as she has spent much more time caring for our mother which has stalled her career in the short term.

She is aggressive, demanding and adamant she gets 65% of the inheritance.

I am flabbergasted and angry.  What can I do?

Dear reader

If I could tell you how many times I have been faced with this situation over the years, you would be surprised.  Hundreds of times, if not more.

Before we unravel this situation, it’s important to think rationally when working towards a solution.

These situations are always about money.  Money that we think we deserve, or need, or want and it is sad that your situation has turned into this.

You don’t say how well you get along with your sister, but the fact that your relationship has become about money must be upsetting for you.

Millions of dollars are thrown at lawyers to resolve inheritance issues and the truth is that it’s only the lawyers who win.  Often one party ‘loses’ the fight and then another enemy of harmony arrives; resentment.  

However, let’s look at some of the facts.

According to Harrison Estate Law, there are 5 common inheritance disputes, which include:

1. Inheritance disputes between siblings cut out of the will
2. Inheritance disputes over the surviving spouse claims after divorce
3. Sweetheart wills create inheritance disputes between step-relations
4. Family conflict over inheritance of valuables and property
5. Disputes over last minute changes to estate plans

Undoubtedly your situation is in category 4 and it may be worth your while to read https://www.harrisonestatelaw.com/5-common-inheritance-disputes/ to obtain more information about this.

Ways to move forward

• Always remain rational and fair. If you were left 50% of everything, do you believe because of her caring role over your mum over the last 3 years your sister deserves a little more?  It is a fair point that perhaps she has stalled her career in the short term and many may argue that this would be fair - but would it work for you?

• Share with your sister that the issue you have is not about money, but perhaps more about HOW she is trying to resolve it.  Getting aggressive is not going to help either of you here, so approach her to sit calmly and try and resolve the issue together

• Seek professional mediation.  Skilled mediators can move you both to a win-win situation, giving you both a better understanding of strategies to use to assist you to resolve this issue

• If you value your relationship with your sister, tell her that you feel upset that the issue has become about money and that you would like to continue having a good relationship with her in the future

• In your own mind you need to think about one key thing:  Is your relationship with your sister more important than money?  If so, compromise somewhere along the way to hopefully keep the relationship intact.