We’ve all encountered that tricky situation when a friend or family member asks our opinion about something, like “Does this look good on me? or What do you think of my new dress/jacket/shoes/hairstyle….?” Sometimes it places us in a dilemma - should we give honest feedback here or simply smile and give a thumbs up? 

In my family, growing up with four siblings (mostly girls) we told the bare truth - often! After I moved out of home and into shared accommodation, I noticed that other people were quite different. They were a lot more polite with each other and didn’t always reveal what they really thought.

All habits die hard, and I recall many years ago expressing an opinion to an ex - that he had ‘pedestrian’ fashion sense. It wasn't an attempt to be cruel; it was simply the truth, and someone had to break it to him. I found his blind faith in labels and his obliviousness to style to be frustrating. He had no apparent pride in his wardrobe, only wore four colours, no stripes or patterns and had zero flair. 

His reaction? Let's just say it was less than enthusiastic. I will admit though, that from my perspective it was actually highly amusing. His response - at the time, and whenever I think back on it - causes me to choke back laughter. He kept repeating “pedestrian?” … “pedestrian!”  The word seemed to baffle him, as though I'd conjured up a term from a foreign language.  

Was that honesty or insensitivity on my part? I feel no guilt, but the jury is still out.

Consider: Would I have done him a favour by keeping forever quiet about his lack of style? I didn't think so. You could argue that some useful feedback is worthwhile and gives one an opportunity to see the reality and make improvements! My intention was pure; I aimed for neutral delivery but must have missed the mark.

Does it matter? In the grand scheme of things, this might be the better question. I now wonder, “How honest and frank should we be with people - our family, our friends? When they try a new hairstyle that doesn't suit them, do we smile and say, “Lovely,” or do we tell them the truth?”

Don't we have a responsibility to give our honest opinion to those we care about? If delivered kindly, I believe we do.

Would I want the same honesty coming back at me? Well, that depends on the subject and who's giving the feedback! If I valued the person's knowledge and expertise and felt they were qualified to comment, then yes, I'd want to know what they think, hoping they’d be kind in their delivery. If they are merely opinionated and not qualified to give me some (re)direction, then they should probably keep their thoughts to themselves. 

So let’s just say that it is ‘situational specific’, and the safest approach, unless someone directly asks for your opinion, is to keep it to yourself - unless you’re very close, and even then, it’s tricky.

So, should you be honest? Sure, but with a pinch of tact and a dash of empathy. After all, there’s a fine line between being truthful and being insensitive.

I am betting that many of you will now go to evaluate your wardrobe to see if it could be described as pedestrian!