A narcissist is someone with an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. They crave attention constantly and will do whatever it takes to get it, including provoking arguments. Here’s how you can effectively shut down a narcissist during an argument.

Identifying narcissistic behaviour: Narcissists thrive on attention, whether positive or negative. They often make up absurd statements, talk rapidly, change subjects quickly to throw you off-balance, and exhibit dramatic emotions.

When dealing with a narcissist, it's essential to respond calmly and assertively. Here are some strategies to shut down a narcissist:

Slow Them Down: Here’s how to take the wind out of their sails:

• "You are not making sense."
• "Prove what you are saying."
• "You keep changing the subject; which one would you like to discuss first?"
• "I’m not engaging with this."
• "Let’s sort out one thing at a time."

Deflect blame: Narcissists never take responsibility and often blame others. Here’s how to handle their blame game:

• "That’s not how I remember the situation."
• "I’ll wait until you’ve calmed down, then we can talk about this."
• "I’m not responsible for how you live your life."
• "I’m sorry you feel like that, perhaps we need some time apart?"
• "I’m not going to argue with you anymore."

Respond to criticism: Narcissists use criticism to hurt you so don’t give them the emotional reaction they want. Keep your responses unemotional and factual:

• "I won’t allow you to speak to me like that."
• "Unless you treat me with respect, I cannot continue this conversation."
• "If I’m so bad, it’s better if I leave."
• "I can’t control your opinion of me."
• "Can we please be respectful of each other?"

Confront lies: Narcissists lie to confuse and control. Pay attention to their exact words and call them out:

• "That is physically impossible."
• "I know that I/you did not say/do that."
• "Prove it."
• "What you are saying doesn’t make sense."
• "I have no reason to do the things you are accusing me of."

Dealing with narcissistic rage: Narcissists may resort to the silent treatment or the narcissistic stare to intimidate you. If an argument is escalating, sometimes agreeing with them can defuse the situation:

• "I understand your point of view."
• "I completely agree with you."
• "That’s an interesting perspective; let me think about it."
• "I hadn’t thought of it that way before."
• "Thank you for bringing that to my attention."

While the best solution is often to remove a narcissist from your life, this isn't always feasible. By preparing a few key phrases, you can effectively de-escalate arguments and regain control in challenging interactions.